Unexpected

I really want to start from the beginning of this journey, but today is not the day I am going to do that. Today I want to write about today, and what happened. Today is Sunday, December 9th, my mom's birthday. So really quickly, Happy Birthday Mom. You truly were the most amazing person I have ever known. I love you so much and I miss you every single day. Today I wanted to call you so bad and tell you what happened, but I am almost positive you played a part in all of this!
              Today I woke up and my first thought was about how I think it might be fast Sunday. I have been terrible at fasting. Well, over the last 2.5 years I have been terrible at church in general, so fasting was the last thing I ever thought about doing. Last Fast Sunday, a month ago, I decided that I needed to be better at fasting, and I put in my calendar a reminder every fast Sunday to remind me. Well, I didn't even get a reminder about it today because normally it's on the first Sunday of every month and it's the second, but we had stake conference the first Sunday. Long story short I was supposed to fast today and I'm not sure if I have ever really had such a cool experience the way I did today. Usually, you have something in mind about what you might be fasting about, but this morning I had so many things I wanted to fast about I wasn't sure which one I was going to really focus on until I got down on my knees and begun to pray. I knew right away that I was going to fast for Camden, and my prayer was that he might find peace in his heart. That the anger he has for me, the pain I have caused him, that somehow someway he will be softened. That he will be able to learn to forgive me, and we can move forward. That the atonement will work on him and his pains will start to go away. Something you will learn in this story of mine is that I have made some really bad choices and some really poor choices, and he has been hurt very badly along the way. Well, a little bit after I finished my prayer Camden gets a text from the bishop wondering if they can meet today during the second hour. Then a little bit later he gets another text but this time it's from the stake presidents clerk asking if Camden and I both would come to meet with him, his counselors, and our bishop. Now we know he is getting a calling, we just had no idea what it would be. The stake president asked me to come in first before Camden so that he could talk with me. He just asked how things are going for us. He knows the whole story about what has happened over the last couple of years, something I will talk about too, but he wanted to make sure Camden was worthy to accept a calling. Which he is. He then brought Camden in and the Bishop. They asked him to be the second counselor in the bishopric. We were a little shocked. The place we are at in life right now is overwhelming. We are literally trying to just survive and make our marriage work, but the Bishop assured us that there is no doubt that this is a calling from the Lord, and that he is meant to be in here right now, and that there is a reason for this. The whole conversation in that room today was one of the most spiritual experiences. The bishop said that for the last couple of months he had been getting this feeling of Calling Camden, but kept crossing his name off the list, because he too is also very aware of the hardships we have been facing in our marriage. He didn't want to add any more stress to our lives. He said that earlier that morning he felt like he just knew that he was supposed to call Camden and he had to do it today. He called the Stake president who happened to be meeting with the high council. All 12 of them. This process usually takes like a month to happen and it happened for Camden in just a few hours. I felt like this was an answer to my prayer. To my fast. The stake president and his counselors all agreed that the way to be softened, the way to forget about yourself and your problems is by serving others. They also talked about how you will be softened in so many other ways. Camden will sit on intimate moments of people's lives as they go try and repent of their sins... serious ones. He will see others hurting for the things they have done. He in a sense will get to see my side of things. This calling is going to bless our lives in so many ways. I know without a doubt this is where my husband is supposed to be and spend some time helping others. President Cutler shared a story with us that touched us both very much. He told us that he doesn't share this with many people but feels like he should share this with us. When he was eight years old his mom had an affair with his dad with his best friend's dad. He said that his parents made it through but that he truly believes that they could have had a much better, stronger marriage if his dad had only forgiven his mom sooner and if his mom could have forgiven herself. He said that to this day he doesn't know if she has forgiven herself. I can understand that. I know that president Cutler was prompted to tell us this story because Camden and I needed to hear that. He urged Camden to forgive me sooner than later and for me to forgive myself, that if we did that it could make our marriage stronger and better faster. It could create something amazing.
          I know things don't happen by chance. I know the Lord plays a role in every aspect of our lives. He is very in tune with all the fine details of our life. He knows, even though we may not agree at the time or understand why things are happening the way they are, that if we just hold on and have faith that some day we will understand. Whether it's in this life or the next. I don't understand why my mom had to get cancer and die. I do know and now can see some blessings that have come from her death. I would have never been able to see this 2 years ago, a year ago, or even fourth months ago. I'm just barley now seeing it, but I know now I'm on the right path to healing. I'm so grateful for today. I'm so grateful for the amazing men that I have come in contact with and for their love they have shown to Camden and I. I love this church and I know it's the true church. I know Heavenly Father is very aware of me and my life. I know he loves me and wants the best for me.